Monday, 27 September 2010

Fellatio targeting

The French MEP and ex-justice minister Rachida Dati has entertained legions of Youtube viewers with a slip of the tongue - intending to state that "inflation" was close to zero, but instead claiming "fellatio" was close to zero.

Fortunately, we hear, the European Central Bank is responding in a timely manner to this problem, with a "moral easing" or ME policy. In contrast to its attitude to inflation, the ECB board - especially its French and Dutch members - are quite concerned about a shortage of fellatio in the economy. They are willing to print as many euros as it takes - and distribute them wherever necessary - to return fellatio to its trend rate. As precedent they have cited Oval Office policy during the Clinton administration.

Some economists have claimed that fellatio targeting is not the appropriate measure, and instead the overall level of orgasms in the economy (also known as NGDP, or Number of Groans Derived from Poking) should be the concern of the authorities. However, even these theorists agree that 4% fellatio would be better than none at all.

Ben Bernanke is thought to have been unable to form a consensus on this point within the Federal Reserve Board of Governors. The Fed, influenced especially by Bible Belt governors such as the president of the Kansas Federal Reserve, is instead pursuing a policy of "mopping up" whatever excess liquidity had been produced by its previous loose policy. This strategy, also known as sterilisation, is intended to combat an inevitable softening of the dollar as a consequence of the earlier swelling of excess reserves and the continuous thrust of monetary policy during the financial crisis, which climaxed with an uncontrollable surge of currency onto the Fed's balance sheet (an outcome which the American people refused to swallow). The Fed is thought to be concerned about the outbreak of "hyperfellatio", a runaway spurt of fellatio in which virtually all productive economic activity is brought to a halt and citizens are seen in the streets carrying wheelbarrows full of...

...full of dollar bills. What did you think I was going to say??

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